It seemed fitting to ask about a family, never known... drawn in with a tingling curiousity...it was begging me to go...i felt it might give me an invaluable perspective on my life... was i so different to them...i had fantasies about the first time we would meet. In my bedroom celing, i sat thinking, no one knowing what thoughts i had creeping. I was possessed, infatuated, the thought travelled down with me in my sleep, and the next morning i woke, thoughts of them sneaking into my mind like the curling steam of a boiling tea pot.
If i hadn't been in such a mad rush, and brushed off all the things, that were secretly brewing, i would of felt the goosebumps, everytime i dreamt of them, the warning of fear, that was merely a trial.
A wrongness that was growing. It was too late. I was poisoned.
Just like that i ran away.
Some people say, you don't know what you have until you lose it...
I have always been spontaneous, sometimse for the worst.
I didn't know what love was, until i was separated from it.
I felt i had been suffocated by the people around me, somehow i thought, seeing my family, would fill me with the joy i needed.
When i finally met them, i realised they were just people, strangers, i had no connection.
They didn't know that i could only sleep with my door open, that at night i loved to eat, that sometimes i just loved to sit, and read and write and play piano, without interference.
They didn't know me at all.
I suddenly felt drained around them. Having to conform.;
There was light in my eyes, no laughter from my lungs..
I sat mourning, wishing, thinking....a sick feeling of emptiness, was slowly sinking me down.
I did say i was spontaneous.
So one day i just left.
Booked my self a ticket.
And finally came home.
Sitting in the warmth of the sun, i felt a kindling in my heart.
A blessed feeling of love, that could only come after a fall.
No comments:
Post a Comment